They aren't chickens, but they will have to do

Captain Chaos was reading a "baby chick" book this morning, and suddenly decided that, "We need to go buy some chickens." He wanted chickens here, at our house. And he wanted them today.

I decided that the best I could do was take him to feed the ducks. I don't think we have ever done this before. I'm not sure why.

So, we fed the ducks. Well, we fed the two ducks that showed up. Mostly, we fed the seagulls and other freeloading birds. (We didn't see any chickens.)

We also blew some bubbles.

And I got to practice photography.

I think I did ok. Not as good as some people, but ok. My friend at Revelations of Missy could probably take a picture of a dumpster and make it look good. I like reading her blog just so I can see what fantastic shot she will post next. I'm not nearly as good as she is. But I try. Notice how I even managed to blur the background in a couple of these. And the great thing is, I think I might actually know how I did it.

The last one is my favorite. I love sepia tones.

Wordless Wednesday

I guess I will make my own key

Since I am no longer pissed about this, I think I can write about it without sounding like a complete bitch. Or maybe not.

Trying to get some filing done at our office/warehouse today was an exercise in frustration.

The husband took the bathroom key with him. Now, why would you EVER take the bathroom key out of the office? The only time you would ever need the key would be WHEN YOU ARE IN THE OFFICE!! And if you take it with you, the other person who frequently uses the office, and might need the bathroom, CAN'T GET IN! And this other person often has a smaller version of the husband in tow, who has just learned to use the potty in the first place, and can't hold it forever!

But wait. I can get in the men's bathroom. For some reason, the door usually doesn't close all the way, so even if it's locked, you can still open it.

So, we went in the men's bathroom. Not once. Not twice. Not three times. NO, we went in the men's bathroom SEVEN times! Some of those visits lasted five minutes. One was for almost 20 minutes! You see, my son had to do #2. And he must take after me, because he wasn't too crazy about doing it in a public restroom. He kept hearing noises. He thought the bathroom had monsters. Yes, really. Monsters. Another thing his father taught him.

I kept hearing noises, too. But I wasn't worried about monsters. I was worried about some man coming in to find a woman bending over a kid and saying, "Here comes the poopy."

Hey, sometimes he needs encouragement. You do what you have to do.

I would just like to know why men's restrooms are so much filthier than women's? WHAT do they do in there? Never mind. I don't really want to know that. But I had to put down a thick coating of toilet paper on the seat (all seven times) before I let my precious child sit on it. And I must have said "DON'T TOUCH THAT" fifty times.

This is why restrooms are divided into "men's" and "women's". We don't want to share with them.

Come to think of it, I should have my own bathroom at home, too.

Breakfast

We love this bowl with the built-in straw. You can drink the milk after you are finished with your Froot Loops! :)

And I love this picture, even though I'm not sure if the lighting is quite right.

Easter egg hunt

This takes mental preparation!

How do you like that manly looking Easter basket? Not for sissies!

No grass means more room for eggs!

Cheating at ring toss.

Cheating at bean bag toss.

Wait until Capt. Chaos sees this tomorrow morning! Two movies, a book, Nickelodeon matchbox cars, eggs filled with candy, and of course the obligatory chocolate bunny! Go Easter Bunny!

A little time to myself

That's all I ask. Just a few hours with no phone ringing. No work to do. No kid yelling for "MORE JUICE, MOMMY!!!!"

Now, of course I love to be with my kid. As you might be able to tell from all of the pictures I post, I do spend most of my time with him. But sometimes a sista needs a break.

Often, when I try to arrange this, something happens to screw it up. I end up getting sick and not being able to enjoy myself. Or my husband calls with plans he has made for me. For example, going with him to buy a new work truck.

So I figure that when he goes fishing, that's the perfect time for me to take a day off. He can't call from 80 miles offshore. Well, he can use the satellite phone, but those calls last about 14 seconds, and are very infrequent. Nothing like the hourly calls I normally get from him.

As usual, it didn't work out like I had planned. I do have a babysitter, and I even almost finished the article I had to write for my column. (Doesn't that sound cool? I'm a columnist.) Then I rushed back home to take Captain Chaos to his school Easter egg hunt.

After that, everything turned to shit. I won't bore you with all of the details. But after dodging the rain, giving up on the crappy WiFi signal at the mall coffee shop, and not being able to find a place to sit in the bookstore, I now only have a little over an hour before I have to be home.

At least I have some really cute egg hunting pictures to post later. :)

Daddy's little helper

I have an article deadline coming up, and therefore not much time to spend here. I guess I'll just post some pictures that I took this afternoon.

With his daddy going fishing tomorrow, Captain Chaos had a lot to do to help him get ready. They had plenty of stinky bait to load into the pinfish traps.

It's exciting watching Daddy pull the trap out of the water......

........and even more fun watching the live bait flopping around on the dock.

Yep. Barack scares me more than Hillary.

I heard about three minutes of the Glenn Beck show this morning, and in just that amount of time, he made a very good point. He mentioned the hypocrisy of Barack Obama, referring to his statement in 2007 regarding Don Imus. The presidential candidate stated that he had appeared on the Imus show in the past, but had no intention of ever returning. He said that he had no interest in supporting someone who made racist remarks about any ethnic group.

Well, it appears that he doesn't feel that way if it concerns racism against white people.

If you are reading this blog, and you STILL support Obama after the things that came out recently, PLEASE comment here or email me to explain WHY! Not that I have ever understood how anyone could even consider voting for this man, but I can't think of any way that his close association with Rev. Wright can possibly be justified.

At-home photography class

I'm practicing black and white photography today. Mind you, I have no idea what I am doing. I'm just adjusting settings on my camera and comparing how the pictures come out.

Of all the pictures I took, this one was the best.

And it's still not as good as I wanted it to be.

But the kid is awful cute. :)

La Cucaracha

I woke my husband up from a sound sleep sometime after midnight last night, certain that I was going to get yelled at. Oddly enough, I didn't. He was surprisingly calm when I informed him that he was needed in the bathroom immediately.

I had been asleep for at least an hour when I woke up and realized I drank way too much water before bed, and had to drag myself to the bathroom. I was only half awake, and I remember thinking that it was going to be so nice to crawl back in bed again. This time change has totally screwed me up, so I'm not getting enough sleep lately.

Just as I flushed, I noticed something on the bathroom door. It was a ROACH! A nasty, six-inch long ROACH! Don't you tell me it wasn't that big! I know what I saw. And anyway, this is my story, and I'll make my bugs as large as I want to!

I have mentioned before that I have an extreme, irrational fear of roaches. Please don't email me to inform me that they cannot hurt me. I know this. I don't care. They are ugly. I can't be in the same room with one. I can't even kill them because I can't get close enough. If I do manage to sneak up on one with a can of Raid, I am motivated by the simple fact that I have to be certain that the little critter doesn't get away, only to pounce on me later. I want him DEAD! To be honest, I can't even dispose of the dead ones! I am absolutely not picking one up, even with a handful of paper towels. I can't sweep them out the door, because their disgusting little body parts always fall off and get left behind. EWWW! Once I tried to vacuum one up, but I can't stand to even hear the noise it makes as they get sucked up into the vacuum cleaner. Not to mention, who is going to clean the dead roach body out of there?! And do they ever really DIE anyway? You can practically mutilate one, and 2 weeks later the legs are still twitching! REPULSIVE creatures, I tell you!

So, I was instantly jolted wide awake, and I had to run past this abhorrent, foot-long insect just to get out of the bathroom. I bolted for the kitchen to get the bug spray. When I got back to the bathroom, the damn thing was trying to hide from me. He was on his way behind the door, obviously planning to jump out at me later. I managed to spray him and run. You must run, because you never know when a pissed off roach will decide to take flight! Ewww, the very thought of that makes me shiver! And they don't just fly. They fly at you! At least they do when it's me.

So I ran. And then I crept back to peek into the bathroom, hoping to see a dying bug on the floor. NO SUCH LUCK! I saw his reflection in the mirror, and he was on the wall right above the door! Did I miss him with the spray? He still looked pretty healthy! Do you realize what this means? There was no way for me to spray him! I would have to enter the bathroom to aim at him, and risk being trapped in there with him! NOW WHAT?!

That's when I decided to wake my peacefully sleeping husband, who was shockingly pleasant when he headed for the bathroom. But really, why shouldn't he enjoy this? Don't men want to feel powerful? Shouldn't he get some kind of male ego boost, knowing that he is rescuing me from a killer, three-foot long monster bug?

At least he wasn't cursing, so what more could I ask for? There was only one problem. When he got there, he couldn't find my adversary! The loathsome insect had hidden yet again, obviously plotting some kind of assault on me. Meanwhile, my husband is insisting that there is no roach in our bathroom! "I don't know what to tell you. He's not here."

Oh, no, under no circumstances is he going back to bed without finding this bug! No way was I going to attempt to sleep with that thing still alive in my house.

I guess this is rather anticlimactic, but he did find the five-foot long beast in the shower a few minutes later. How he could have missed something that large, I have no idea. He killed it, and flushed it down the toilet.

But wait. I never actually saw this for myself. Maybe he was just telling me he found it, so I would leave him alone! That hideous creature could still be there somewhere, scheming, conniving, possibly even conspiring with other roaches as to how he will terrorize me tonight!

On his way back to bed, my hubby did have one comment for me. "You really need to get over this. It's ridiculous."

But who cares what he thinks? He's just a man.

(Notice that I did not post a picture of a roach to go alone with this story. I can't even stand to look at them.)

Did I mention that I hate to cook?

Well, I did it again! That's twice this month! I know, I'm really going above and beyond now, aren't I?

Now wait a minute, I'm not counting the simple things I've made, like hot dogs and spaghetti. But this is the 2nd time this month that I've made something that can actually be considered a meal!

I made this. And it was GOOD! I was pretty sure it would be, considering they were giving samples of it at the grocery store the other day and it was delicious there. You just never know when I might forget an ingredient (yes, I have done that) or let something burn while stopping to change a diaper (which I don't have to do anymore).

My husband loved this. Of course, he will eat almost anything (except for the mushy barf burgers we had when I tried to follow my sister-in-law's hamburger recipe). Actually, cooking for him makes me feel a little like a chef waiting for the food critic to finish eating. And if you saw that movie Ratatouille, you know what I'm talking about and you also probably recognize the guy in the picture.

So, I sit and watch my husband eat, and there is NO expression on his face. And he's not saying ANYTHING. I have no idea what he is thinking until after he is finished.

Then he walks away from the table and says, "Yep, that was good, Dear. I'd eat that again."

So, to all of the haters who say I can't cook. YES I CAN!

But I still don't like it. Can we go out to eat tomorrow night? And the night after that. And the night after that........

Big news!

My son is potty trained!

I am sure there will be accidents, but this week, he has finally decided that he is ready! He has been in real underwear for a couple of days!

For those of you who are sensitive about this topic, I'll avoid being too graphic, but he is going #1 and #2 in the potty, every time.

Today, for the second time, he stayed dry at school all day. I sent him with a change of clothes, but he did not need them.

So far, it hasn't even been necessary for me to remind him to go. When I ask him if he wants to, he says no. He tells me when he's ready.

He even used the potty at the restaurant where we had dinner tonight.

He also wakes up dry every morning, and has for at least a week now. (Although he still sleeps in pull-ups, not underwear. I'm not that brave.)

Let's hear it for bribery! Those M & M's are powerful tools!! (I was a little afraid that he'd still be requiring them when he is 18, but he really doesn't remember to ask for them most of the time.)

Rainy day

It's a little cool and wet outside today. We decided to wear our hoodies.

Then, someone needed a haircut, so we got that out of the way. Someone didn't enjoy it too much.

Do you feel safe with this man?

Look who wants to DISARM the US!!!
(There's a little button you can click on my playlist on the left to turn off the music so you can play this video.)

Mama Drama

I am a member of a local mom's group. I rarely do anything with the group anymore, but I still post on their message board. I've been a member since 2005, and quite frankly, I have only done a handful of things with them. Part of it is because of my schedule, and part is because of the fact that I am rather introverted. I just don't enjoy being in large groups of people. It's just part of my personality.

Recently, there was quite a bit of drama on the forum. It was really petty, in my opinion, and I didn't get involved with it. Well, not on the public forum, anyway. I did send an email to two of the members, trying to get them to possibly discuss the situation with the person they were initially upset with and hopefully resolve it.

That didn't work. To be more accurate, it failed miserably.

Now the entire forum is fighting, and somehow the subject of ousting members who don't attend group activities came up.

Um, that would be me, in case you weren't paying attention before.

I joined the group not long after Captain Chaos came along. There were no requirements for membership. But now I, and a few others that I know who are not active "in real life", are being told that we are not welcome.

Granted, the owner of the site has not said this, and probably isn't even aware yet that it is being discussed. I'm also pretty sure that she won't go for it. But I know where I am not wanted.

No, I do not have any intention of leaving. There are a few girls there who can tolerate people other than those in their buddy circle, and will undoubtedly still be my online friends. And it's been a great resource for me when I have a question about some aspect of raising a child.

Not that too many people even respond to me anymore. I thought that was because they knew I was a conservative and didn't like my politics! :) But I guess maybe it's because they want me to leave, since I don't go to Mom's Night Out with them.

Oh, well. So sorry to disappoint them, but I think I'll stay. However, part of my method of attempting to eliminate stress in my life has been to avoid drama, if at all possible. So I think it's time for me to bow out of the current discussions.

Even though I don't agree with a lot of things those girls have said, I am really not even mad about it. I don't get mad about things like that, not for long, anyhow. I just kind of laugh them off. I have figured out over the past few months that life is way too short and stressful to worry about things that don't really matter. I would still be friendly to any of the girls from that forum if I saw them at the mall. Maybe I am weird (well, there's not much doubt about that), but I just don't understand being mad at someone and staying that way forever.

Wordless Wednesday

Some pictures

I mentioned that we went to Chuck E. Cheese's, but I forgot to post the pictures. So here are a few.

Preparing to play air hockey

A game with a friend

This dog was in the car next to us when we left. He was not too happy with the fact that we were standing next to his vehicle. I just had to take a picture of him because he was perhaps the ugliest animal I have ever seen. He had the most incredible underbite. You really can't appreciate it from this picture. Poor ugly dog. A face only his owner could love.

Knock Knock

We went to Chuck E. Cheese's today. Otherwise known as Chuck E. Diseases. It just feels so "germy" there. Last time we went, Chaos was sick the next day.

Anyhow, on the way there, Chaos got quiet in the back seat. I could tell he was thinking really hard.

Suddenly he said, "I don't want that man to knock on my arm."

WHAT?!

"I don't want that brown man to knock on my arm."

So I ask him what man he is referring to. Where is this man?

"At Chuck E. Cheese. I don't want that brown man to knock on my arm."

At first, I thought maybe he was referring to Chuck E. himself. He's not brown, but he's gray. So maybe he has his colors mixed up. But knocking on his arm?

Then it hit me. When you enter, there is an employee at the door who stamps your entire family with a unique number, so that they can ensure that each child is leaving with the person or group they came in with. The last time we were there, there was a black man doing that job.

So, he is the "brown man" who "knocks" on my son's arm.

Bribery

Captain Chaos will do anything for M & M's. He doesn't get them that often, because I really try to limit junk food. He already thinks that candy is one of the food groups. There are times that I'll ask him what he wants for breakfast, and he'll say "Jelly beans."

But I have found a way to get him to go pee-pee on the potty. Every time he does, he gets two M & M's.

They say it is bad to use candy as a reward. I just read an article online about it. But it worked several times today. So I shall continue. Who are "they" anyway? "They" are not the bosses of me. "They" can't tell me what to do. :)

Easter Bunny sighting

To see or not to see...........

That is the question. And I have the answer.

The movie to see is The Other Boleyn Girl, if you like historical fiction. I'm reading the book, and wanted to finish it before seeing the movie, but it didn't work out that way. I know it didn't get very good reviews, and I'm no movie critic so I won't analyze every aspect of the film. I just love movies like this, and I enjoyed every second of this one.
**Note to feminazis: You might want to sit this one out. Women weren't treated very well in the 16th century.

And now for the movie NOT to see. Vantage Point. After seeing the previews, I was convinced this would be fantastic. It wasn't. It sucked. It was about an assassination attempt on the President of the US, and it was approximately 90 minutes of punishment. The first hour or so was nothing more than a replay of the same ten minute scene, something like 5-6 different times from as many vantage points (hence the title, in case you didn't pick up on that). If I had been forced to watch that scene even one more time, I think I might have hung myself. This movie was full of implausible chase scenes and absurd coincidences, and there wasn't much of a plot. The motive of the attackers was never even fully explained, but by the time it was over, I really didn't care anymore.

Your mother doesn't live here!

If you've been reading my blog regularly, then you know that there are a few things that really get under my skin. You also know that I don't mind telling you about them. For example, people who force me to breathe their cigarette smoke. Or people who are too lazy to work (and have some other excuse for why they "can't"), but instead live off of the government and/or their friends and family members.

Well, here is another one.

People who leave their shit behind for someone else to clean up. Yep, I am using foul language. Sometimes I do that.

I am working via laptop at Starbucks today. Yes, I am working. I've typed up one quote for our business so far, and I have two more, along with many other tasks. So what if I'm taking time out to blog! I'm pissed and I'm going to vent about it!

So, my favorite table was in use this morning when I arrived. I need this table because it's the only one where I can fit my laptop and all of my paperwork, etc.

Ok, so other people have as much right to sit here as I do, right?

Of course they do. That's not what I'm bitching about.

It looked like this guy was almost finished reading his newspaper, so I didn't think he'd be here for long. So I sat in a chair nearby and patiently waited for him to leave. And left, he did. LEFT ALL OF HIS GARBAGE BEHIND FOR ME TO CLEAN UP!

He left his newspaper, with the pages scattered willy-nilly on the table. He left his coffee cup with nothing but backwash sitting in the bottom. He left his empty muffin baking cup and the bag it came in. He left all of that on the table and walked out the door without ever looking back.

There was a garbage can not two feet from where he was sitting. How much trouble would it have been to throw that crap away, really? I have enough to do at home, following behind my messy husband. Why should I have to clean up after this loser, too?

I almost followed him out to his motorcyle (Motorcyles. A subject for another blog post.) to tell him what a pig he was for not cleaning up after himself. But I didn't want to be the Psycho Starbucks Chick, so I just disposed of his mess and now I'm taking it out on you, my loyal readers. :)

Wordless Wednesday

See more Wordless Wednesday here.

Hanging out with Daddy too much?

Sometimes, when Captain Chaos has a dirty diaper and I'm in the middle of cooking dinner or something, I'll tell him to see if his daddy can change it. His latest response to that is, "Daddy doesn't like poop."

Then, this morning, he wouldn't take his sippy cup from me. He wanted it, but not until I agreed to slide the cup down the counter to him, like you would slide a beer mug down a bar. I have no idea where he got this. I've never done that before.

Tonight, I'll be gone for a couple of hours. There's no telling what those two will be up to.

MONSTERS!!

Chaos has a little problem with monsters. If he leaves the room his daddy and I are in, especially at night, he'll often come running back screaming that he sees a monster. Lately, he's also wanted me to leave his bedroom door open, and I think it might have something to do with monsters.

I don't know where he learned about monsters, and I've been wondering what they look like in his mind.

So tonight I asked him, "What do monsters look like?"

I found out.

They have hands, and arms, and heads and---moufiz. See, his word for "mouth" is "mouf" (which is not quite as funny as "moups", like he used to say it). And you would think that the plural of "mouf" would be "moufs". But it's not. It's "mouf-iz".

Kind of like the plural for cheek is "cheekiz".

"Kiss me on my cheekiz, Mommy!"

What's kind of strange, and I didn't notice this until I sat down to write this, but that green creature in the picture above does pretty much fit my boy's description of a monster. It looks like he does have hands, and arms, and a head and a mouf, and not much else. And Chaos has never seen that movie.

Maybe we do have monsters!

Occasionally, she cooks

Since I began blogging, I have read other blogs and found that people write about even the most mundane subjects. So, I don't feel silly for this post about food.

I made dinner. That might not seem like news, but I don't do it all that often. I especially don't do anything complicated. But this meal is more than just my Kraft Mac & Cheese special. This one actually takes some effort!

In case you don't believe I actually cooked it, here's a picture of the turkey legs in the oven. Note the lemon juice, olive oil and spices over the top. Yes, I mixed those ingredients all by myself.

The gravy recipe calls for a can of mushrooms, but I, being the overachieving chef that I am, sauteed my own. (This is the part where you comment about how awesome I am.)

We even had FRESH asparagus! You know, the kind that you buy in the produce section? ;) I cooked it in olive oil and sprinkled it with salt, pepper, and parmesan cheese.

Turkey legs with mushroom gravy, wild rice and asparagus! My husband's favorite meal!

But I STILL hate cooking!

Want an evening to yourself?

Need some quiet time at night?

Want everyone else to go to bed early?

TIRE 'EM OUT!

Guppies

I replaced the fish that I killed with two guppies. The original fish were tetras. I still have 2 of them, and now 2 guppies, as well.

The new guppy pictured below is doing great. The other one----not so much. He's kind of hanging around at the bottom of the tank. I'm not sure if he's going to make it. :(

She is rude and she wants FOOD!

I think some people are so used to being rude, that by the time they are in their 70's, it comes so naturally to them that they just don't even notice it anymore.

We had lunch at Wendy's today. As we walked in the door, Captain Chaos ran on ahead of us. Two older women were coming in the opposite door, and one of them literally almost ran Chaos over as she jumped in front of us. No kidding, she was walking slowly, and with a limp, until she saw that someone might get to order before she did! She started this awkward, skip-run thing so that she could cut in front of us! She got between me and Chaos, so that he had to run back around her to stand next to me. I swear she never even glanced back at us. It was as if we were not even there. We just stopped dead in our tracks so that her friend could catch up to her. Geez, don't get between some people and their fast food!

After stuffing our faces with chicken nuggets and fries, we went to a birthday party. It was CC's cousin's 1st birthday, at a local park. He had a great time, as usual. At first, he couldn't decide if he wanted to go down the enclosed slide, but after a few minutes, he got brave and gave it a try. After that, I couldn't keep him off of it.