Bless this mess

My husband is a slob. That's the nicest way I can think of to say that. I love him, but he has cleanliness issues.

That's not to say that he doesn't shower or brush his teeth. It's not a personal hygiene problem (otherwise we would not be married). He just doesn't care if his clothes are ripped and/or splattered with ketchup stains, and he has never learned how to clean up after himself. I do not exaggerate when I say that there is not one shirt in his closet without some type of stain on it somewhere.

There are 3 pairs of neatly folded shorts on the floor of our bedroom. After 2 days went by and they still did not disappear, I decided to ask my husband why they are there, rather than in the drawer where I originally put them.

"They don't fit me anymore. You can throw them away."

If I leave this up to him, they'll still be on the floor a year from now.

He doesn't understand that it would help me SO MUCH if he would just clean up after himself. When I bring up the subject of how messy he is, he always claims to have no idea what I am talking about. We just had this discussion yesterday. I kid you not, right in the middle of the conversation, he wiped our son's mouth (after I asked him to, of course) and then threw the paper towel on the counter!

The garbage can is literally 2 feet from where he was standing.

He did suggest that maybe I could give the old, stained and torn shorts to Johnny T. That's the nickname he has given to a homeless man that he sees almost daily. He's called Johnny T because he frequently pauses during his walking to "bust a move", Travolta style. I've never been fortunate enough to witness it, but I assume it's pretty amusing.

I informed my husband that Johnny T dresses much nicer than he does. And the shame in that is that it's the truth. Amazingly enough, Johnny has quite the wardrobe. He must have a stash somewhere because he dresses nicer than I've ever seen my husband, except for maybe on our wedding day. I'd be embarrassed to offer these shorts to him.

I guess I shouldn't complain. My messy man has a couple of friends who will go fishing with him all day, and then go home to bed without showering--sweaty and smelling of bait. Now that is a hygiene problem I can't live with.